[o][n][y][x] rising from the ashes..

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I'm in a new state. By new I don't mean good. In fact, its far from good. It's tormentingly horrible. Since 24 June 2005, I lived as a whole person. Everything in life seemed fuller, complete, reasonable, fresh, exciting and even the bad doesn't seem that bad. Basically, it was nice living life. But on 26 Jan 2007, I was split into 2 and now living as a half again. Its like trying to clap your hands and u realized that your right hand isn't there. It's like trying to chew off a piece of steak and u realized that your teeth isn't there. It's like trying to lean and cry on a shoulder but you realized that no one wants to be there for you. My world, my perspective, my future and my dreams are all literally stripped away from my soul, split and torn into 2 pieces, and half is given back to me, expecting that I live with that bleeding half.

People who knows me know I'm not one who cries easily. Looked upon as a happy-go-lucky person who always finds the silver lining and looks on the bright side of life and positivity is permanently in my mind. But recently I cry non-stop and wail like a baby at the slightest things. I'm not myself anymore and I know its not very manly but there's really nothing I can do to prevent this change. I always thought that by crying a person's soul will be comforted. But for me, it's damn painful to cry. And the pain pierces the mosts whenever I listen to this song. I highlighted the phrases that really rips my heart into pieces.

Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

P.S What is necessary? I don't think pain and unhappiness is necessary. Do u?

nine5ouLz ___the shadows of the onyx are like mine

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