[o][n][y][x] rising from the ashes..

++ The Bleeding ++

I never imagined that I would be blogging again.. I've always thought that bloggers are people who have too much time on their hands and too little people to share their problems with.. But naturally, I was wrong.. I've stopped because typing down every feeling in detail was not as easy as it seems and I was portraying the wrong expressions.. But I've decided to continue because of recent dramas in my life.. Dramas that i needed to share for other people to learn..

In the past, when I thought my life was riding on the right road, down the happier path, I trusted and gave no 2nd thought to the person I thought I could grow up with.. And damn, I was wrong.. I knew her flaws, her attitude, and the way she sees me as a friend.. Thing is, I knew, but I didn't do anything about it.. Instead, I changed myself to suit her character.. I changed into a person I didn't know, I couldn't remember, into something that I never thought I would become.. Because of her.. Sad thing was, she wanted me to change.. She could never accept me for who I really was and I was silly to change for her.. I thought she was a friend.. I thought that she would be thinking that I was a friend too.. I guess the way we both define 'friendship' is totally different..

She knew my secrets, my darkest secrets that I had never told anyone.. Literally.. But to this date, almost all my friends know this particular secret.. And the fact remains.. I never told anyone about it.. Yah.. She thinks that a friend is someone who has no considerations of the other person's privacy, feelings whatsoever..

When a person gets angry, sad, scared, worried, or any negative feeling, she classifies it as being petty, over sensitive.. She uses the word sensitive for every other feeling turned against her.. And in that way, I changed for her.. I had no other feelings negative.. Crying and feeling sad or being angry was weakness in her eyes.. So for her, I eliminated it all.. To a point when people asked me "Don't you get angry at all?"

The reason how it all stopped was because I had too much negativity in me to continue living the way she wants me to, I guess..

Just thinking about the whole shit is giving me a headache.. It's sad to see a sinking ship finally sink.. And to see the words on her blog "I'd never take this friendship seriously again.. I've had enough of him" was hurtful but at the same time make me wonder.. If I was the one typing that out, I'd be petty.. I'd be sensitive..

It's good to actually break free from this illusioned world.. Break free from this plastic mask that I've been hiding under for all these years.. But I've taken some of the pain and learned from it.. So in a way, thanks to her, I've grown into a better person.. I've seen how nasty a person can be and learned.. No regrets.. New friends are waiting for me, new experiences, new life.. And it's kinda sad to see a person that I've cared for so much get left behind still living in her own world.. Sad for her, good for me..

I've learnt that if the person you care so much for doesn't give a damn about you, leave. Immediately.. If not, it's just gona come back and bite you in the ass..

Only regret.. I should've listen to everyone around and not buy for her an iPod for her birthday..

nine5ouLz ___the shadows of the onyx are like mine

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